some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
