she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
