I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
