I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize