Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
