I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
