24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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