I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
