dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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