i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
