nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
