I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
