just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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