I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
