I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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