I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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