I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
