Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
