just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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