Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
