Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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