The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize