accomplished twins. life is a go
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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