no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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