My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
