i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My feet surprised me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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