Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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