We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
