Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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