Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
