If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
