Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
