I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
