My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
