I got chris browned last night
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
