I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
