Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
