Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
