it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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