so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
