how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
