sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just cropdusted the office
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
