i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
