I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
