so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
