I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
