Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize