if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
