So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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