3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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