My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's shark week go big or go home
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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