I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
