I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
