They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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