god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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