I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
