Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
