Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
