There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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