Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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