either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
