do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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