i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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