K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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