woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
