I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
