Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
