Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We had to coat check the pizza.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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