Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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