the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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