Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
