who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
