I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
