Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
