I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
