He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
