I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize