You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
