He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
