yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You may now shotgun with the bride
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize