and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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