All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
