I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
