just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
