the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
