Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
