3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
