so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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