dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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