I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
