Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
