Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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