I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
