Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
