I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
