ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
